Domestic Violence

Thirty-eight year-old Sean Jennings was sentenced to twelve years in prison yesterday for the attempted hanging of his wife last October. In a bizarre crime he lured his now ex-wife to their home to see a “haunted house” he’d build in their garage, handcuffed and blindfolded her, and then slipped a noose around her neck after she stepped up onto a ladder, but changed his mind and released her shortly after she lost consciousness. When she awoke he reportedly told her to put aloe vera on the rope burn and hide it with a neck brace. She called police from Wal-Mart two days later to report the incident that eventually led to Jennings’ arrest and subsequent conviction.

According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, more than half of all homicides are committed by someone known to the victim. That means that your wife or husband, girlfriend or boyfriend, sister or brother, friend, relative, or acquaintance might just do you in someday. Frequently it’s the guy who is the abuser; more than thirty percent of all female murder victims between 1976 and 2004 were killed by their husband or boyfriend, a rather substantial number when you consider that less than ten percent of male victims were killed by an intimate over that same period.

It might not happen as often, or at least not be reported as much, but men are often victims as well. Once again according to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, more than 100,000 men are violently assaulted or killed by their wives or girlfriends each year in the United States. Remember John Wayne Bobbitt? Shudder… Consequently it’s important for everyone to know the warning signs of abusive relationships and act on them before something truly bad can happen.

The following are reliable predictors of eventual domestic violence or murder:

Your partner frequently yells at you, reprimands you, or demeans you in public. You have cause to fear his/her temper or are concerned about what kind of mood he or she is in on a regular basis.
Your partner isolates you, prevents you from getting or keeping a job, keeps you from seeing friends or family, or otherwise alienates your friends or family so that they feel uncomfortable being around that person. This is another method of cutting you from the herd, eliminating your support group.
Your partner keeps you from leaving your house or apartment from time to time, or conversely, occasionally locks you out of your home.
Your partner threatens to hurt or kill you, your children, your family, your friends, or your pets. All such threats, even ones given in jest, should be taken seriously.
Your partner hits, slaps, pushes, or shoves you, pulls your hair, or inflicts unwanted physical injury on you in any way, even during sex. The first time your significant other strikes, you should be the last. Screaming and yelling might be tolerated on occasion but physical abuse never should be.
Your partner exhibits extreme jealously, checking in on you frequently, following you around or hiring someone else to do so, going through your mail, or installing monitoring programs on your computer. He or she becomes angry when you talk to or look at people of the opposite gender even when you have a legitimate reason for doing so.

One of the most important things a domestic abuse victim can do is get away from the perpetrator before things get worse. If the aforementioned indicators sound familiar to you or you feel threatened in a relationship it is essential to take action right away. It is easy to rationalize or procrastinate, hoping that things will get better. Sadly, most of the time they won’t.

If you want to get out of a bad relationship and fear that your partner will try to stop you, you may want to consider obtaining a restraining order. They can be issued by a judge to help protect those who fear for their safety due to overt actions by an abusive partner. By no means a silver bullet, they can be an important part of taking action to make the situation better. While the document is truly nothing more then a piece of paper, it will be backed up by law enforcement should violations be reported. And, while temporary, they can often be granted immediately, without a hearing and without any notice to the opposing party.

Restraining orders are legal documents that prohibit individuals from taking actions that are likely to cause harm. Generally they prevent contact or communication between the parties. If you have been granted one due to a domestic violence situation keep a copy in your possession at all times and file copies with police departments where you live and work. Let your employer, neighbors, close friends, and family know about the restraining order as well. Ask them to contact the police if they see the other party near you. Be sure to protect your children as well by notifying school administration, teachers, childcare centers, babysitters, and neighbors of the restraining order and requesting that they contact police if they suspect the order is being violated.